Embracing Imperfection: Navigating Self-Criticism with Acceptance, Compassion, and Appreciation
Recently, I’ve been reflecting on the past, future, and the process of becoming.
I don’t know about you, but looking back at "past me," it is easy for "current me" to judge my actions, personality, and behavior critically.
"How embarrassing it is that I used to act like that. How wrong I was."
Perhaps this self-critical way of thinking has been strengthened as of late by my reading of St. Augustine’s treatise “The Confessions.” I’m about halfway through the 500+ page book, and so far, I can sum it up most succinctly with the same phrase I wrote above:
"How embarrassing it is that I used to act like that. How wrong I was."
While self-examination is undoubtedly important for one to grow spiritually and practically in this world, it can also be a trap.
I say this because there are aspects of one’s personality and chemistry that are simply part of the deal. There are “flaws” that may not be correctable, regardless of how “bad” one feels about them or how hard one prays about them.
For example, reading over the blog I kept during my battle with cancer in 2009 for the first time in over a decade, I see myself struggling with essentially the same aspects of my personality. If I were to sum those aspects up succinctly, it would perhaps read:
“God has blessed me with so much creativity, and I have such a desire to make a positive impact on this world, but I’m on an emotional roller coaster, and I can’t seem to streamline my creative energy into a consistent focus.”
The realization that I am banging my head against the same wall today as I was 15 years ago because my desire for significance and meaning is so insatiable while I continue to struggle so hard with consistency of mood, manner, and focus is a bit frustrating, to say the least.
To dwell on one’s seemingly intractable imperfections can quickly lead to despair. It is in this sense that I say that an over-awareness of one’s flaws can be a trap.
What is the solution? What is the key that leads the way out?
Perhaps these 3 words may help:
Acceptance. Compassion. Appreciation.
I accept that my human personality has certain flaws and that I may struggle with them for the rest of my life. I accept that I am not perfect.
I can see my past, current, and future self through the eyes of compassion, realizing how young I was, am, and will be. After all, even a long human life is only a handful of decades.
I appreciate all the ways I have grown, all the lessons I have learned, all the connections I’ve experienced with other humans, and the bounty I enjoy on a daily basis.
To me, this loving approach feels more helpful and life-nourishing than the self-shaming one, but self-love doesn’t come easily for everyone at all times.
In this moment, may you behold your own being with complete acceptance, compassion, and appreciation.
You are loved. You are enough.
