Rigor

It’s not that I’m complaining.

There is so much good stuff happening right now.

But, damn, if there hasn’t been some tough stuff.

I’ll focus on the good. I had the instinct to reach out to Chris and suggest we catch up about one week before he died. I didn’t know he was near the end, but something told me to do this. I am grateful we had this brief connection in planning to catch up. I gave him my phone number so he could call me if he wanted to. It feels like the “thought counts'“ here.

Secondly, it is probably for the best I didn’t realize he died a week later, in January. I had A LOT of emotional stuff going on in my personal life, particularly around men “leaving,” and it would have been really really hard to process at that time. As it was, I found out months later, in June. Prompted by an inner nudge to check in several times, but putting it off. I finally did, begrudgingly put the pieces together.

The next nudge was to reach out to his mother, Cindy. I did and am so very glad to have connected with her. She has invited me to his “Celebration of Life” next month and I will be flying out to Detroit to meet her and celebrate Chris’ life. I have an inner sense that he wants me to meet her and see where he lived. And I really want to.

I suppose it’s a bit hard for everyone to understand the connection that was formed. I have lost touch with many people over the years, including Chris, but I met him at such an intense point in both of our lives. He was two years into multiple tries at eradicating the cancer and I was a few months into chemo.

His strength, sense of fun, and will to live inspired me. His was a difficult journey but he stayed positive. I believe that people who experience trials like this are here on an especially fast track for spiritual growth. I think his soul came here to expand and grow exponentially. More than some do in several lifetimes.

I won’t forget Chris or the lessons I am learning from the experience of knowing him. I know he is at peace now and is no longer suffering.