Sunyata
On December 21 - Winter Solstice- I was invited to meet with a group of women in Palm Coast by my friend and author Becky, to test out a project she was been working on for the past year. I do not like to drive out when it’s dark- much less be 30+ minutes away from home on the longest, darkest night of the year- so I almost did not go.
As if it knew, my GPS took me to the opposite end of the city from where Becky lived (I had never been to her home)- it took me to the coffee shop where we first met. At this point, again, I considered turning around and driving back home. But instead, I pushed against my inclination to back out of the plans to which I had agreed, and persisted for the final 8 minutes of the trip.
It wasn’t long before I found myself behind a familiar license plate- one I had seen in St. Augustine on 11/12/22, on the way to a sound healing yin yoga session: An Infiniti car with a “DGN FLI” vanity plate. How interesting! On my way to another “spiritual” gathering, I was being greeted by not just a familiar/meaningful symbol, but in the very same form as the last time.
I will not pretend to understand the significance of such synchronicities. I do not. However, the more these types of occurrences happen, the more I feel I am in an intimate relationship with the Creator of this universe. I feel spoken to, guided, cared for, watched over, and loved.
Like the vision I had of the baby taking its first steps- the joy I felt in my being. I was not seeing with my physical eyes. The joy I felt was beyond what I am normally feeling in daily life. This made me feel a bit like, perhaps we are loved like that. Perhaps, the thrill of consciousness experiencing itself in form is truly a miracle of such magnificence that it fills the Creator with joy.
Can you imagine?
Another recent lesson may seem diametrically opposed, from the purview of those inclined to doctrinal spirituality. However, I had a powerful experience I must relay.
About a week ago, I was having one of those tough nights I have sometimes, where I wake up uncomfortable, anxious, feeling some uncomfortable symptom or sensation. On this occasion, my daughter had gotten scared and gotten me up. Not wanting to wake my husband, I went to the guest bedroom and laid down next to her.
As I closed my eyes and tried to fall back asleep, I observed that my asthma felt triggered, breathing felt shallow, chest felt heavy. Mind started painting frightening pictures - I was haunted by sudden health anxiety. A couple of times I thought about getting up to get my inhaler, and maybe an Ativan.
But some inner prompting told me to stay through this. The word “Sunyata” came to mind, and the accompanying meaning I had stored in my memory banks somewhere, as “Emptiness.” And also, the phrase, “Emptiness is form and form is emptiness.”
It had been many years since I’d been exposed to this idea, perhaps in a Buddhist philosophy class or book. However, my intuition dived right in— not just philosophically but experientially. Instead of continuing to watch the thoughts that were causing me suffering, I imagined that my head with all those thoughts was empty space.
My head was just a faint outline, the contents completely transparent. My mind settled down immediately. The thoughts were gone. Next, I imagined my entire body was empty. Again, just a faint outline, the contents transparent. When any inkling of a thought would start to emerge, I would again go right into emptiness.
Instead of a body feeling “symptoms” and a mind trying to “diagnose” and “react appropriately,” I experienced a sense of formlessness. It felt like my consciousness was no longer trapped in my human body. There was just open space where my thoughts and body had been…. and this was lovely.
I fell asleep in this way. I felt fine in the morning.
I am thankful for the myriad of ways teachings show up to assist me in the moments where I am in most need of illumination.
I am thankful for the loving presence that tends to me and speaks to me in so many ways.
I don’t believe any of us are alone. Thank you God.
