The Unsubstantial Nature of Fear

“This fear isn’t real and I do not accept it.”

I came up with this little mantra the other night while commuting home from a later-than-usual day of work. Focusing on this phrase was the most helpful tool I’ve had for an anxiety-prone moment in a long time.

I shared it the next day with my five-year-old when she was scared to go into her room by herself in the morning and open the blinds. I heard her repeating it to herself as she marched back to her room, and in no time she was singing happily and arranging her stuffed animals.

It’s a powerful little phrase.

Fear can be a strange thing. Some of our fears seem to make sense. Others don’t.

Like the “driving anxiety” I experience from time to time, for example. It’s an odd fear as I wasn’t recently in an accident or anything. It’s troublesome enough to me that I avoid the interstate if I can.

The fear came seemingly out of nowhere, in 2020. I saw some fire in the median while on a two-hour car journey alone. I had the thought, “What will I do if the fire gets worse? What if I was stuck here on this road with the fire?” It was about 30 minutes later that I was on a “spaghetti junction” type area of I-95S and my palms started sweating and my heart started racing. It had suddenly occurred to me that I had been daydreaming but now found myself behind the wheel of this car.

How odd it felt to be a little human behind the wheel of this car with all the other little humans driving their cars over and under these curving bridges. I felt so vulnerable and out of place. I desperately wanted to get off of the road and, of course, couldn’t which added to my anxiety. Finally, an exit appeared, and I took it gratefully. I got out of the car, my legs feeling shaky and weak. I walked around until I recalibrated. I had to pep-talk myself a great deal to get myself the rest of the way home.

It was so weird and, kind of embarrassing, honestly.

I later found out there was some stuff going on that whole year that I wasn’t consciously aware of. There was also a personal health scare, the stress of the Covid pandemic, and on top of that, I was newly sober. My brain was definitely changing in some noticeable ways.

Also, for many years I’ve had a recurring dream that I am driving an interstate-like road but it goes up into the sky at a sharp angle or drops down similarly, or I am lost on a long winding road and not sure which route to take.

In any case, it’s now late 2022, and that “driving fear” still visits me. Especially if I am tired or feeling under pressure. It’s a feeling of dread.

Prayer doesn’t work in those moments, because it reinforces the idea that I am scared and asking for help. So, the other night, I started inwardly focusing on the mantra “This fear isn’t real and I do not accept it.” I repeated it aloud as well, with intention and sincerity. I realized that if I focused only on those words and their meaning, I had no attention to give the fearful feelings. I sort of starved the fear in that way. It faded away.

The truth is, the fear is not real. It’s some dumb thing my mind made up for some reason. I’m not sure why. Maybe my mind was bored. The mind is a strange phenomenon. It’s always trying to stay busy. That’s the point of a mantra. The mantra gives the mind something else to do other than being neurotic.

If you want to try it, you can plug whatever mental affliction you struggle with into the sentence. This _____ isn’t real and I do not accept it.” It doesn't have to be fear. It could be sadness or longing, for example. This mantra is kind of like an emergency measure to short-circuit whatever it is so you can focus on what you need to.

In other words, it may not be a permanent solution but it could help you out of a momentary funk.

If you do try this, I’d love to hear how it works for you.