Patience

I have been prompted to write in my blog more regularly. As previously acknowledged, this is a place for spiritual reflection and documentation of some of my experiences, which I have been directed to record/share.

One of my biggest insights lately has been into this tension I feel between the “now” and the “not yet.”

As one can sense a train approaching through various senses (feeling the rumble of the ground- hearing the sound of the whistle- seeing the approaching shape in the distance), I sense something in my future.

I sense this path I am on is all a part of the process and I am excited about what the future holds. I am excited about growing increasingly more fully into myself. I am excited about witnessing the blossom of my spirit unfold.

However, the future cannot be rushed and I must not neglect the present. Participating with all of my heart and being here now is the path, each step of the way.

So, I am learning patience. It is a good lesson.

It’s been interesting connecting with the healer, Sky. Back in September, I wrote a blog post about a dream I had. In the dream, I was told “You’re not supposed to be in mental health. You’re supposed to be a healer.”

I would never describe the work I do as “mental health” work, so I didn’t understand this part of the dream. However, recently someone did liken the work I am doing to “mental health” type work.

Then, I encountered Sky in a coffee shop in a different city than my own, while I was literally finishing off a blog post about my experience of working with a healer during the time I had cancer.

Sky is a healer and a life coach who is currently enduring metastatic breast cancer.

I’ve since spoken at length with Sky and have experienced her work. She is very good.

What do these intersections mean? And with this timing of October, which has been so personally significant to me as of 2021?

To me, it represents three major (unfolding) realizations:

(1). I’ve endured cancer, I felt led to pursue “Music Therapy” as my graduate program and training. I’m compelled to share inspiration and walk in the light. I feel I am here to help. To be a leader of sorts. And “healer” is part of that role, to what extent, I don’t know. “Wounded Healer” is an archetype and phrase coming into my mind now. I will look more into that.

(2). October is the polar opposite of April, my birth month. Not only do I have a number of friends/family who are October birthdays, but these particular beings tend to represent grit and challenge to me. Like there is something difficult to digest about them. They are not the most natural friendships/relationships.

October has also come to represent embracing polarity in an additional way, and that is because of the major relationship challenge that began in October of last year, where I uncovered some difficult truths. These truths opened a wound in me and I’ve been integrating the lessons of that experience ever since. Instead of running away, I am working with all of it.

(3). And finally, last October, it was also suggested to me that perhaps there were some unsavory supernatural elements at work and perhaps the redemptive path involved being initiated into a particular religion. There were some fears inspired at this time, and I struggled to make sense of all of it. The lesson I am learning is that fear is not needed. Fear is something we make. Fear doesn’t exist in and of itself.

God doesn’t want us to be afraid.

I don’t need to understand everything, but I do know this: I am not afraid to live my truth. I am supported, guided, and deeply loved.