Rebellion

Since the last couple of times I wrote I was feeling so “in flow,” I figure it’s only right to dive in and document from an “out of flow” time, as well.

My 5 year old woke me up at 3am this morning and kept me up for nearly 2 hours last night. Between her latest loose tooth, and an extremely active nighttime imagination, she was wide awake in the middle of the night last night and sleep did not come easily for either one of us.

So, today I feel quite groggy and reluctant. However, if I am to be quite honest, I had already begun feeling this way as of Saturday or so. There are things that have come up for me to take care of or be present for and, although I do show up and do what is expected of me, there is part of me inwardly fighting, rebelling against what is.

My inner writer/artist has become so anxious to be allowed unfettered expression. There’s a struggle that occurs when I fight against that drive. As much as I would love to devote many hours of the day to music and writing and being “inspired,” that simply is not my current situation every day, particularly on the weekends.

I have real estate phone calls, emails, family expectations, friends, self-care needs, etc. I have duties and responsibilities, and that is just the truth, and it’s a good thing. There is a part of me that knows this and is grateful. There is another part that is inwardly rebelling. A tension beneath the surface.

On a side note, my first course, “30 Days to Freedom” is going very well. I will write about that more in a future post. We are currently on Day 14 out of 30.